Edinburgh

I'm emotionally and physically whacked, I feel like I have been punched several times in the face, wrists and hips. I spend my days creating theatre about rape and have created a monster in wanting to use a universal language to discuss this subject!

I was raped when I was 15 ok, ok, so a lot of people have been raped and it's horrible and humiliating but why do I feel this overwhelming need to shout about it? Obviously not having spoken about it for several years afterwards plays a part but what I really believe has driven me to do this are the views of many people in our society. Some of these views make me so angry I feel like I am going to explode and they come out of no-where like when I'm reading a newspaper or discussing recent occurrences with friends, one minute I'm having a nice day and then next minute I'm back there with my butt in the air. I want to exorcise this anger and I want anyone else who has lived in shame since being raped to do so too.

Being raped is bad enough but being made to feel responsible for it too is possibly yet more damaging; we carry guilt for hurting ourselves. We are led to believe two things as women; one that we should make ourselves look beautiful and sexy but two that if we do so we are likely to be sending a message that we want to have sex at any time and with anyone. The latter, I’m afraid is just not true I want to have sex but I want to choose when and who with. Either we should be educating our children to cover up completely and protect themselves from the monsters in our community or we should revel in our beauty, shout from the roof tops that sex is wonderful and work harder to create better people who don’t steal other peoples’ sexual integrity. The theatre, for me, is the only place we are likely to change this and what better place than the Edinburgh Fringe Festival?!